Lately I have been thinking about how my time in SL is allowing me...no, no, no...forcing me to deal with long-standing RL "stuff", personal issues, character flaws, whatever you want to call it. Something about the world, stripping away distractions, text based relationships, immersion in this virtual space -- all of it-- somehow for me it is fertile ground for self exploration.
Of course in SL we can be who and whatever we want to be. At the same time, I wonder to what extent the virtual world dictates who we become while we are here. I ponder this because I have not made active choices about who I want to be in SL. I created my avatar and set about living.
Without ever intending to create a separate identity I have noticed some striking differences between Chestnut and the person at the keyboard. Ches is softer and sweeter which is easily understood. Who would not want to be a little more kind and understanding than they are IRL? What is somewhat odd is that Ches is more fearful and fragile by several orders of magnitude than the RL human. I don't know why, when given the option to be anything, I would *choose* to be anything less than fierce. And yet? There it is.
If you are looking for a brilliant conclusion to this post, I am sorry. There isn't one. All I can say is I am on a journey with the dream of SL as the backdrop, this blog as my journal and the people in my life as the players. I keep learning, growing, moving, building, creating, dancing and loving.
12 comments:
We really don't get to choose who we are here. We can spell out who we *want* to be, but where things go from there depends on the sum of our experiences and internal processes.
I'm not the Argent I was supposed to be, nor am I the same as my human. Life intervenes in ways more mysterious than any one person can imagine, and we have experiences we never expected. Like you said, it's a journey.
Thank you, as always, for sharing.
Agreeing with both you and Argent. Maybe there's something in you that enjoys the permission, the opportunity, to be fearful and fragile. Nothing particularly implausible or wrong about that. :)
Argent and Dale -- I completely agree with you both and thank you for your observations.
When I sign my notes -ls/cm, it's for a reason.
They are inseparable.
Just different perspectives at looking at the same thing.
However, I must admit, CM has altered LS significantly in terms of patience.
This is a great post, and I'll say what I said the other day in my conversation with you. I've found, at least for me, that SL really makes you come to grips with your RL humanity. It's like we aren't just living our virtual life, we get to take a step back and WATCH ourselves live our virtual life -- we read the words we use to communicate with others -- we watch our interaction from almost a third person perspective. It's somewhat different than just bobbing around inside your own head and acting off the cuff as things are thrown at you -- time seems to speed up in SL, certainly, but the thought we can put into our actions and interactions can be stretched out and prolonged.
Rosie and Rosie's typist are similar in a lot of ways. But, I think unsurprisingly Rosie is a little freer. And, because the typist loves Rosie so much, the typist is working on becoming freer IRL too. Less worrying, more living. I think if there's one gift that SL gives us, or at least me, it is truly that.
Excellent post.
Ches, it's interesting that people don't believe me when I tell them the SL Wendy is a "greatest hits" version of the RL Wendy. The two partners I've had in SL are probably the only people who have seen real flashes of the complete RL Wendy persona.
My inner strengths are able to be demonstrated in SL much more easily than in RL. And my RL family, the ones who know me best, are still amazed at how different I am now after being in SL for 17 months. I'm much less the "emotional retard" I've always been. Something about SL has allowed me to blossom, and some of that has transferred to RL.
Thanks Crap, Rosie & Wendy. The influence of avatar on human on avatar on human...as Jason Mraz says in Life is Wonderful "There is no end to what I'm saying."
Wendy I think it is fair to say Zha is the one person who has had the clearest window into both parts of me. In fact this post grew out of conversations we have had on this topic over a period of months. I am working on being less of an "emotional retard" but progress lately has been slow.
I've observed various personality changes in my RL counterpart as have many others. Mostly for the good... but I still wish I could teleport!
Wonderful post, Ches! I swear we keep pondering some of the same things at the same time and it's starting to scare me. LOL!
I know that because of how I present my Avatar I've become more self-aware of my human self as far as appearance and mannerisms. Not always a good thing but hey somehow I manage. ;-)
In truth, though... the two are inseparable for me as well. My Avatar is an extension of the real me... and even if there's text going on the screen instead of voice, it's still my mind and my emotions being portrayed.
Lovely post. :-)
Excellent post and some really great, thought-provoking comments as well.
Izzy - and the person striking the keys - are absolutely inseparable. For me, from the minute I rezzed on Noob Island, this was a "let the pieces fall where they may" adventure. I had dreamed up some ideas in my head about who Izzy would be, but that all fell to pieces when I began living and interacting with others in SL.
SL, personally, allows me to experience things I cannot experience in RL. There are aspects of Izzy that I have always wanted to explore in my RL, but just have been able (time, money, drive, opportunity, etc.) Izzy is a fashionista in ways I simply could never be, nor would I really care to be, in RL. She is an extension of me and - sometimes I think - me idealized. She does and experiences things with a fearlessness and ability I don't think I could ever muster in RL, though I wish I could.
It's hard to say where avatar ends and human begins, isn't it? However you look at it, it's fascinating to ponder on and even more amazing to experience.
Hey Ches. I like this post a lot. Sometimes wishes are different than wants!
I like your posts Chestnut! I know that i WANT my SL to be different than my RL. that point driven home to me today. In RL I'm responsible, practical, sensible, dependable. chores first. In SL I want to play, flirt, be selfish, be free, be as unfettered as makes me comfortable. viva la difference!
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